A cross-over from Fear to Love

I feel that there is a passing-over or crossing-over happening, from fear to love. I sense this in a wide, big picture, global scale. In a humankind scale. It is possible that it’s all in my head. But almost all of us are anyways going about the world based on things in our heads. I might as well stick with what I sense/choose to believe/feel – a crossing-over of sorts, from fear to love.

I like to believe, and I find supporting observations to substantiate, that there are now significant number of (mostly young) people who are attempting to not lose their innocence so much while growing up.

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Some helpful CPTSD Resources

1. Jessica Lowehttps://www.instagram.com/cptsd.hope/

2. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma – Pete Walker – Book

Discovered the term “Emotional Flashbacks” from this book. Names have been useful to me, to ‘make sense’ of thoughts and feelings.
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Learning about C-PTSD

Learning about C-PTSD (or Cptsd or CPTSD) has been making a lot of sense. For me, it helped by providing a relatable structure to so many thoughts I have been having. Formless, structure-less, feeling-based thoughts.

Cptsd acknowledges invisible trauma. Relational trauma is a major invisible trauma that can be at the root of a lot of adult issues. I am of the feeling that, invisible trauma is what causes so much of what is often labelled ‘weird’, ‘bizarre’, ‘crazy’.

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Ask questions. Apply kindness. Move.

The post follows a stream-of-consciousness style. The summary/TL;DR is – attempting to apply/adopt kindness when encountering impasses and frustration. The hope is that it will improve the quality of life and unlock solutions that otherwise may not be reached.

There would be questions in you that you would like to be answered. There would be questions that you are aware of and questions that haven’t formed yet.

We’ll focus on the questions that have been ready for a long time.
There would be questions you haven’t had the chance to ask yet. Not the right people/place/time.

Those questions needn’t be the legacy you carry. There is the possibility to ask those questions, get some answers or discussions, move at least a bit forward in the gridlock bumper to bumper traffic of the emotional highway network, and maybe (very very possibly) clear this maze of an interchange and get to exits that let you breathe better and travel feeling good.

It doesn’t matter who needs which exit – the motel, the diner, the fuel station, the open road, the home, parent’s home, friend’s place, disco bar, concert, retreat, hiking, funeral, picnic, wedding, first date, on the way to collect the 50th or 500th pay check..

The only thing that matters is for as many people to clear the interchange and proceed to their exits.

Ask the questions without judgement. Craft answers without judgement.
When crafting answers without judgement, you are essentially being kind to yourself there. That kindness makes space for answers to grow. Questions to fade. Grudges to melt. Grief to flower. It’s highly unlikely that the kindness would make anything barren. If it does, my apologies, you got caught in the 1% statistical error. That’s on me. But please, go again. By the same statistic that wronged you with the 1% error, it is so not probable that you would get caught in it again. So, go again, make space for kindness. And for those who felt good at the first go itself, you would be getting the hang of it, right? Keep moving through the interchange, apply kindness, keep getting closer to the exit that suits you well. Interchanges will come again and in plenty, but they are adventures to be tasted with kindness.

Please don’t hit the road without kindness. It’ll be one harsh trip out there.

Any question. Ask any question.
Need some to get going?
Why did he jump the lane and squeeze me out when he can see we are all in bumper to bumper traffic? Ask that.
Why was the shopkeeper rude to me? Ask.
Why don’t I feel connected to my mother? Ask.
Why was I not enough for you? Ask.
Will I ever be enough for me? Ask. Do I want to be enough for me? Ask.

Tire yourself out with all the asking.
Ask your heart and brains out. Make a note of all the unsolvable dead-ends and infuriating impasses. Pass out from all the effort.
In the depleted, drained and washed-out condition you would be waking up from, think whether it would do you any good to apply some kindness to the dead-ends and impasses.
If it does, good for you.
This worked for me. I am sorry if it doesn’t work for you. If you would like it, I would like to listen to you.

To all those who don’t find this problem with the emotional traffic, good job. Keep going, keep being.